


Little differences

by d2eurium



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, CC-2224 | Cody Needs a Hug, Cody is observant but not a reliable narrator, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, and partly talked about, but emotional and physical abuse are heavily implied, description of anxiety and PTSD, it's mostly recovery and comfort, nothing actually happens but the motive is present and people are worried, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28717365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d2eurium/pseuds/d2eurium
Summary: CC-2224 is newly assigned to the 212th battalion and determined to keep his brothers safe. Whatever it takes.Meanwhile, the Ghosts (in alliance with Obi-Wan and Chief Medic Len) are trying to take care of Cody. Because he too deserves to feel safe.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Ghost Company, CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 44
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :)
> 
> It's a series of small episodes focused on comfort and friendship. But it heavily implies prior abuse and describes the anxiety and/or PTSD symptoms, self-esteem issues and so on. While it is purposely vague - please be aware and stay safe 
> 
> Len is OC clone medic. I was planning on using fanone Bones... but it went out of hand. Because of the doctor Leonard "Bones" McCoy, of course :)

Clones don't have many personal possessions. In fact, most of them hardly have anything that is not standard-issued. It's one of the things that made transfers like this easier. The word 'replaceable' comes to mind.

The lone white-clad trooper in a LAAT's bay was no exception to the rule. Maybe that's why he spent the time in travel fiddling with a GAR-datapad. 

On paper, the 212th battalion has very little difference with his. _'Fewer casualties, maybe. But it's hardly fair to compare battalions which fight different battles'_ \- he mused. 

"ETA - 5 minutes," announced the pilot. 

CC-2224 was ready to serve the Republic in whatever capacity he was ordered to. Cody, on the other hand, can admit to himself the fear that came from uncertainty. How _really_ different 212th is? 

***

General Kenobi waited at the hangar for their arrival... The general waited to greet _him_ , of all people! Cody's mind struggled to come to terms with this fact, while he continued introduction:

"CC-2224 at your service, sir."

"It's nice to finally meet you, commander," the jedi politely retorted. "Do you prefer to use the designation? Or is there anything else you would like to be called?"

Cody froze for a bit. But, well, many nat-borns find clone-designations quite tiresome to pronounce. "Could be Twenty-Four, sir," he hoped it's the right answer.

The general looked slightly annoyed, but not outright displeased. Cody counted it as a win.

***

Crys was very fond of their jedi. How could he not? Kenobi care for his men. Care enough to went above and beyond his duty as their general. So the next question of their little meeting doesn't much surprise the captain:

"And how do you find working with our new commander?"

"He is competent. ..." Crys trailed off. "Careful. Will be good for the battalion."

"I'm glad to hear we have similar opinions on the matter. However, the commander's competence wasn't in question here." The jedi smiles at him. "What I meant is - are you getting along well?"

"Speaking frankly, sir." Crys grins. "I think we have got ourselves the biggest stickler to the rules in this quadrant. Any chance we can trade him back?"

Obi-Wan chuckled. "I'm afraid not, my dear. How bad it really is?"

"Goes around pointing out loose threads here and there. Couple scared shinies aside - not a big problem. He..." captain grew serious, "he is a decent vod. It's not like he is flexing authority or something. And the troops whom he caught 'bending regulations' ended up with just a verbal notice and 'fix it before anyone noticed'. But it does unnecessary complicate things."

"Okay. I understand your concern, Crys. Will see what can be done about it. ...Oh, and is he shared his name with you yet?" the general added hopefully. 

Crys shook his head. "No. Are you sure he has one, sir?"

"Yes. I have reasons to believe he has."

"Force things?" the captain prompts carefully. 

"You could say so. He wasn't completely honest with me about it." Obi-Wan sighed. "To be clear - it's okay if he wanna keep it a secret from me. I know some share their names only with vode. But... some rumours about our commander's old battalion make me a bit nervous on his account."

Crys nods. "We decided to just call him Commander, for now. He does respond to Twenty-Four. But ... it feels wrong. Sometimes he will freeze-up at the name. No one feels ready to call him on this, so..." the captain half-smiled apologetically. 

"I see. Thank you for your time, Crys".

***

"O, Commander! I'm glad you came here soon."

"Seems unwise to ignore a Chief Medic ... for long," the commander retorted dryly. 

"Well, at least we on the same page on this matter. How about we move this conversation to my office?"

"Sure."

...

"So..." - the medic look-up from the file. "My name is Len, but some vode prefer to call me 'hey, doc'. How could I call you?"

"It's all in the file."

"If that's what you prefer," agreed the older vod. "Just so you know - it's safe to use names around anyone on the Negotiator."

The commander chooses to ignore the last comment. "What is this thing you wanted to talk about?"

"It looks like records of some of your injuries are missing from the file. No records from triage or history of treatment, yet here they are as a 'partially healed' on the next entries."

"Could be a simple clerical error. We have a few rough campaigns recently," shrugs the clone. 

"Could be," CMO readily agrees and goes back to the datapad. "After the last mission, you have only one injury to report, correct?"

"Yes. Blaster bolt went too close to my arm."

"Okay. I'd say we do a quick exam... Just a simple scan," adds Len when the commander looks ready to protest, "this way we don't need to worry if the file missing any important information."

"You sure it's necessary?" _'Of course, he is not gonna drop it. Think. Think!'_

"Yeah. I'm positive." 

' _But he can't report it anyway. Not now. Right?'_ "Fine. Here?" 

"Yes. Remove your armour and the sofa is all yours," Len waves a portable scanner at him.

"How generous of you," Cody swallows nervously. He doesn't like this at all. Med-bays. Taking off his armour. Most importantly - how the medic can see his heart beating too fast. 

Len doesn't comment. 

"Okay. I'm done with the scan," he moves to grab a tub of bacta. "Lift your shirt, please." Cody hesitates but does as told. 

Despite seeing it on the scan, the array of purple-green-yellow makes Len frown. "Do you have anything to tell me?" he asks rubbing bacta into a boot-shaped bruise.

"It's from the last campaign." 

"Some are around that time - yes. But this is not from a battlefield," the medic differs gently.

"... It's nothing." The commander is shivering faintly.

"If it needs a bacta - it isn't nothing. What happened?"

"It's..." _'Not a good idea'_ " I...I can't..."

"Okay. Okay. Take it easy." Len finishes bandaging his chest and carefully tugs the shirt back down. "What _can_ you tell me? Honestly. If you are not ready to talk about something - it's okay. But no lies. How that sounds?"

Cody nods. They sit in silence for a moment.

Len smiles at him tiredly. "I won't keep you any longer. Stop by tomorrow to get it re-dressed, okay?" That gets another nod.

***

Cody stared at the can of 212th-orange paint before him. He has no logical objections to painting armour. Since the GAR abandoned rank-colours system, these markings started to serve a new purpose identifying units. It makes perfect sense. But what he supposed to paint?! That is an entirely different question. 

For the past days, he made some observations. Most of the markings 212th wore fell into three categories: separate pieces of the gear painted in a solid colour, broad and simple geometrical shapes - this two feels mostly random. Merely serving to add a splash of battalion's colour. And there were little personal marks - tally marks, names, little doodles with some sentimental meaning attached. 

The third one was out of option for him. Sure, some of the troops wore them. But Cody wasn't sure if the general will tolerate something so blatantly distinct from his officer. And if he gonna be the one standing between the nat-borns and the vode - they better have nothing to use against him.

Something simple, easily overlooked. Something geometrical...

With this Cody decided on simply redoing the commander-markings from his first armour. That should do it.

***

The general steps away from a holo-map. And his commander automatically steps to the side. It's the same practised motion all shinies do when happened to stand too close to an officer. One step out of a striking range. It makes the jedi want to scream. Instead, he offers, "Would you mind discussing this further as we walk?"

"Of course, sir."

In the end, Obi-Wan fished out what his commander _really_ thought about the plan of attack. He will make sure to add these ideas to the briefing. And while official business is over...

"You decided on painting your armour," he states. "It's... an interesting choice. Not something I would've imagined, I admit."

The commander tried to suppress a flinch. _Does he misunderstand the idea behind the markings? Was it some test?! Should've he leave it white?_ "I'm sorry, general, sir. I will scrub it off".

' _Oh, my. Should've phrased it better,'_ Obi-Wan chastised himself. "No need, commander. I'm a bit surprised by your choice, that's all. Can't say it doesn't suit you, though."

Obi-Wan's words don't make the clone relax. But they at least take the edge off his anxiety. Which is positively overwhelming by now. 

When he thinks of it - it's an unnerving contrast. His commander always seems to be confident and collected in battle. Even daring. But in the relative safety of the Negotiator, something is off.

***

  
Day after a battle is always a haze. Some are working out leftover adrenalin in the gym. The rest of overtired bodies are moved on the autopilot from a mess to a barracks, were already started to forming several dog-piles.

But for all their relative peacefulness, there is a danger in those days. Mostly to the ones who stays alone, who have no close brothers left to watch their back. It's not...ideal to let a grieving man a blaster and privacy to use it. And since The Republic already gave them all both the reasons to grieve and the blasters... That's why the Ghost's scouts are on self-assigned duty to herd lone troops back into the barracks. 

Boil already knew most of the convenient hiding places. He just has to check them one by one. Unsurprisingly he finds a shiny in one of the supply-closets. What he expected less - the kid is sobbing in the Commander's shoulder.

"You're right - it hurts. And will be for some time. But you are not alone in this."

Boil kneels beside them. "We've got you" - the scout moves to rest his hand on the kid's back - "always."  
  


***

The first time Boil can't convince the Commander to join the pile. He excused himself and went away. Though only after the shiny they untangled from him was safely deposited into the one. 

Unexpected help comes from the general himself. When a few days later he and Cody stumbled into the barrack. Or rather - Kenobi caught the look of the pile while passing the open door.

"Sir" - the commander positioned himself between the general and the door - " I can explain..."

"There is no need," comes a dismissal.

"Right, sir. ... However, I need to report - I was aware of the situation and took no actions. Therefore, under regulation code 23.2, I ask you to consider it as _my_ blame alone."

"... Commander" - the jedi races his hand. Cody patiently waits for it to curl into a fist. Instead, it lands on his shoulder - "I'm well aware of _our_ men's habit. And while it may bend the regulations a bit, but it's not punishable did by any standards. And in my personal opinion - it is helpful. So is here to stay. ... In fact" - he smiles - "Why wouldn't you join them? I won't keep you any longer."

"Sir?"

"Come on, Commander," some trooper.. Boil? grins. "You heard the general."

Cody would blame a lack of proper sleep on how easily he complies. _'Or the jedi. Yup, definitely the jedi,'_ he decides. 

He falls asleep safely tucked under Waxer's chin. 

Scout signed "won this one".

"No, you're not," came a whisper from Boil. He would count it as his win anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> I'm a bit baffled by such a warm response to the first chapter. Thank you so much for your support 💜
> 
> This one is rather short. But it feels like the best way to divide it.

If at first, the battalion was wondering about their new commander’s fighting skills - they grow rather worried by now. When it became painfully obvious that punching and kicking droids weren’t a one-time thing. Well, not counting medics maybe 50/50 worried and impressed. Either way - it gave Obi-Wan an idea.

“I was wondering if you would agree to spar with me?” crackles the comm.

‘ _Why now?’_ Cody can’t remember anything that would warrant sudden attention. “Right now, sir?”

“I have a meeting to attend to. But after that - whenever you will find a time.”

  
***

Few hours pass in a blur. It’s not like he isn’t ready, but… Accepting the inevitable is one thing. Waiting is different.

Before a battle, he can plan. Can run details from the brief one more time. Make sure the vode have all they need. Can hope to change something. Even if a little. Now Cody is marching blind. Not that it changes much - he is not allowed to fight back, anyway. Just… - sudden realization almost makes him laugh, - there always was some safety in knowing what will come next. Almost like the drills on Kamino. Almost like the countdown. Five more steps and it’s over. Two more minutes… Except it’s not Garren anymore. It’s Kenobi. And if he can say something about the general - he is anything but predictable.

Should he wait for the ‘get there, now’ comm? No. If that’s the case - the general would have no need to comm him before.

Cody glanced at the chrono - the meeting should be over by now. _‘Well, as good a time as any…’_

***

The Council meeting wasn’t especially eventful, but it gave Obi-Wan plenty to think of. That’s why the polite knocking comes as a surprise.

“Come in, please. Oh, it’s you, Commander. Wasn’t expecting you so soon.”

Cody feels his fingers start tingling. Barely one step through the door and he already made a mistake, “I’m sorry, sir.” _‘You got this. It’s gonna be over soon_ ,’ he lies to himself.

“Well, I guess now is as good a time as any,” decides the jedi. “Would you lead the way?”

Cody’s mind comes to a stop. “What?” ‘ _Idiot_ ’ “Sorry, where to, sir?” he chokes out.

“To the gym, obviously” - Obi-Wan tilts his head - “Is everything alright?”

_‘To the gym’. Bad. Many vode are there in this time of the cycle…_

“Commander?”

_Maybe he can… What? Convince the general he won’t lose anything by beating him up here? … Audience. He will lose the audience. Maybe that’s why he chose the gym in the first place…_

Suddenly Cody finds the jedi right beside him. “Hey,” Obi-Wan tries again, “talk to me.”

_‘Answer. What? Oh, come on! You couldn't make it worse right now.’_

“Okay,” the jedi moves to grab Cody by the shoulder. “Easy. Come sit down,” he guides the stumbling commander to the sofa. “That’s it. Breath. You are okay. …

“I’ve comm’d Len, he’s going to be here soon.”

_It hurts to breathe. It hurts. It hurts_

“I will take your helmet off now,” Obi-Wan warns. The only thing that Cody makes out is the quiet hiss of the disconnected seal. He lifts his eyes to find the jedi and is greeted by dancing grey spots instead. “Here you go. I know your chest hurts and it’s scary, but nothing bad will happen to you. I’m gonna wait for the medic with you. Tell me if you need anything, okay?”

Cody is alert enough to know it’s bad. Probably even worse than he expected from this evening. He is defective. And now the general knows it.

“Hey, Commander! Can you hear me?”

Cody blinks as if it will help to clear the fog from his vision. He missed the moment Len entered. Finally, he nods into the medic’s general direction.

“What feels wrong?”

“… It hurts” - Cody’s hand came to rest atop of his heart.

“I’m gonna take your chest plate off and check,” comes the steady reply. “You gonna be okay. Just focus on breathing. Yeah, that’s it.” 

Predictably, the scan doesn’t register any issues. Which means they would need to have the talk, eventually. But right now… 

Len sits down beside him, “Your heart and lungs are fine. It could feel awful right now, but it’s gonna be over soon. I promise.”

“Thanks,” Cody isn’t sure if he actually managed to say it out loud. 

Medic’s eyes narrow. “Are you dizzy?”

“A bit.”

Len shuffles closer to wrap one arm around his shoulders. “I’ve got you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things continue to be up and down for Cody. He is smart and observant enough to know the difference between the 212th and his past. But to fully accept it he needs to acknowledge that whatever happened to him wasn't okay. He can't
> 
> TW: suicide ideation. No suicide attempts or in-depth talking about the idea. But be aware - the motive is present.

When the attack passes Cody feels drained to the bone. His mind is numb enough to don’t be bothered by the general still hovering in the background. Len offers to walk Cody to the officer’s quarters. He contemplates it for a moment. Stumbling through busy corridors on his own doesn’t sound tempting. 

All things considered, it goes rather well. The medic keeps talking about some issues with med-bay equipment, giving himself an excuse to stay by the commander’s side. Cody is trying to nod in all the appropriate moments. If anyone noticed something amiss - he could sense curious glances - no trooper will interrupt the CMO without a good reason.

It goes rather well. Through the commander is not sure if he still has reasons to care. 

Finally, Cody is ushered into his quarters with strict orders to get some rest. He doesn’t argue it. It’s not like he is capable of anything useful right now, anyway. Broken. Defective. His useless armour discarded - the clone curls up onto the cold cot. 

The general knows. 

The general knows. Maybe if Kenobi was just another nat-born… but he is the jedi. He could see people’s minds. He knows _for sure_ now.

The comm gives a short chirp. Cody glances at where it lays on the table. Seems he already received new orders. It should’ve not surprised him. After all, there are only so many ways to dispose of a clone. He knew this day will come. A hot tear slips from his eye anyway. 

He should check the message. Find out how much time he had left and plan accordingly. Probably should pass his untraceable comm to some trooper. Scouts could make use of it. … But only after sending goodbyes to… Stars! He promised his family he will be alright. They all knew Cody didn’t mean ‘on a battlefield’ - no one can promise that. But he supposed to be better than this. To hide better. To endure. Not to fall apart in front of the general as some…some… - Cody fought back the tears - He let them down. There is no way out of this now.

The comm chirps again.

Will it сhange anything? He is so tired. If he could just disappear quietly…

Annoying blinking of the comm dances on a barrel of small DC-17. He takes it in his hands.

It would be easy.

Cody shakes his head. It would be selfish. He owes his vode what time he still has. However little it is.

There is a soft knocking to the door. Cody put the blaster back and scrambles to his feet. But the door panel is lite in green; mocking his hurry.

“Commander, may I come in?”

Like they still need his permission. “It’s open.”

“You didn’t answer the comm, sir” - Crys steps through the door.

“What’s the matter, captain?”

“I’d like to discuss reassigning our troops with you, sir.” The captain takes into his red-rimmed eyes and muses would be addressing it a good idea.

Cody nods and motions for the captain to sit down.

“We have CT-4649 and CT-4653 from a 21st squad. They would make good sergeants. So here are my recommendations” - he gestures to the attached file - “But they just lost their whole squad and I’d hate to separate them right now. What do you think?”

“How is their recon? Maybe let them help scouts for the next campaign.”

“They are good. But extra training won’t hurt,” agrees Crys. “Next are Dash and Sunny - CT-3883 and CT-4088. The Gear is short of two and they worked together before. But then we would have two sergeants in one squad,” the captain sounds rather amused.

Cody suppresses the urge to sigh. “How do you think the would react to a demotion?”

“Sunny, well it’s in the name, he wouldn’t make a fuss. Blast - probably would be more vocal. It’s his squad, after all.”

“Hmm, and how is Sunny’s med-training? He could save the rank but for the moment act as a field-medic and second in command to Blast.”

“That makes sense. Thank you, sir. I will talk with them later,” the captain types notes to the list. “And the last - one of our shinies. Technically speaking most of the squads could’ve taken him. But I would like to assign him to the A-team. The kid is resourceful, he would do good.”

“I didn’t have immediate objections. But why the Alpha squad?” Cody couldn't help but wonder.

“The kid lost all his batch,” Crys continues softly. “They were with us for a week - he knows only a few men from the Ghost. Which happens to be our scouts and you, sir.”

Oh, Cody knows exactly who the trooper is. His chest aches - he wouldn't be there for the kid. But Waxer and Boil should handle it. They probably would do a much better job than him, anyway.

“Permission granted,” he chokes out. “Is that all?”

“Yes, sir.” Crys hesitate for a moment but still adds, “How are you today?”

“Fine,” came the curt reply. “But … I do have a request for you. If anything happens to me" - Cody gestures on the table - “give this comm to the scouts, please.”

“Sir?” The captain eyes the ordinary-looking comm and the blaster. He doesn’t like associations it brings. “What’s wrong?”

“Please, captain.”

“ _If_ anything happens I will do as you say,” Crys answers solemnly, “but I would rather keep you with us. How can we help, vod?” 

Cody averts his gaze, “Crys, don’t… please.”

“Okay,” he mutters softly. They sit in silence for a few minutes. “Have… Have you eaten yet? No?" - Crys gets up - “How about we go to the mess?”

The commander warily eyes the outstretched hand. But give in to the request soon enough.

***

Walking around without armour feels strange. Too soft. Too exposed.

But there are some upsides. Unlike onboard of the Executor, vode from the Negotiator paints their armour in a unique fashion. Which means - armour doesn’t grant anonymity. Blacks do. If not for the scar around the left eye he would be completely hidden in the sea of troopers.

Cody thinks how easy it would be to disappear like this. To hide… And the commander hates himself for it. He should be the one whom any CO would notice first. The one to take all responsibility and blame for the vode. He should. He always was.

The mess is never completely empty or quiet. But few hours into the night shift it’s as close to it as it’s going to be.

Cody doesn’t feel hungry, but he grabs a tray to have something to do with his hands. To come here wasn’t the best idea. But he doubted the captain would leave him alone if he refused.

Crys switch up caf from his tray onto some tea. Annoying. But not worthy of putting up a fight.

Finally, they settle in the empty corner.

As the silence stretches Cody slowly relaxes into the simple routine. Everything from the mess layout to the food and background chatter is familiar, safe. 

They didn’t really talk. Except when Cody eventually picked-up the tea and sent Crys questioning look. 

“It’s simply a tea,” the captain smiles softly. He can’t help but wonder if Commander even noticed that their mess has a stock of not-exactly-standard-issued products. He probably did, trough. Just didn’t try it before. “Most of the time we have two types here. Bitter tarine is by all intents and purposes a caf with a funny taste. No matter what Kenobi says. And this is camomile. Do you like it?”

“It’s … I don’t know. Fine?” Cody wraps both hands around the mug.“ Feels a bit weird to have something that actually has a taste and is not a caf,” he gives Crys a lopsided smile.

“Well, then - get used to it, vod. …Oh, exactly the people I needed,” the captain waves to someone.

Cody turns around to see the scouts plus the shiny walking their way. 

“Captain. Commander!” chirps the kid. “It’s good to see you!”

“No. I haven’t told them yet,” Crys answers on Cody’s silent question.

“Told us what?” chime in Boil.

The captain grins and waits for them to settle down before he makes the announcement. “Commander approved the list of reassignments. The vod’ika will stay with the A-team.”

“I…really?” The kid whirls around, hopeful eyes find Cody’s. The commander nods. “Oh. Thank you!”

When the smaller body barrels at his side Cody wraps his arms around him mostly acting on an instinct. 

Waxer chuckles. “And no hugs for as, kid? Rude.”

The shiny in questions mutter something vaguely sounding like ‘In a moment’. Cody brings a hand up to stroke his soft curls. “Welcome to the team, kih’vod.”

Kid’s bright eyes found his. “It’s Wooley. Commander …?”

“… Cody. It’s Cody,” the commander repeats looking to the rest of the team.

“Good thing you do have a name. We were this close to starting calling you Tooka.” Waxer grins. Boil elbows him. “Commander. Sir,” he adds unrepentant. 

"I will stick to mine. Thanks," retorts the commander. But to himself he could admit, considering his batchmates are Wolfee and Fox, it may be fitting after all. 


	4. Chapter 4

Cody wakes up to find he is restrained. Well, surely the commander can escape if absolutely necessary, but Wooley did get a surprisingly good hold of him.

 _‘Shiny’_ , Cody huffs fondly and tries to check the time on his comm. It lays too far away. He isn’t certain, but it’s blinking would’ve been visible from there, right? After all, it’s probably still very early. It’s early and quiet and so much warmer than under his thin grey blanket. So what if he is not gonna get up for another moment?

Wooley’s head is pressed against his heart. And it makes something inside Cody curl into a warm tight knot.

 _‘ “It’s good to see you!” - that’s what he said’,_ Cody repeats to himself. He still not sure why him, of all people! But it’s not like he gonna complain. Actually, it’s kinda nice to have a solid proof… to be able to wrap the kid in his arms; hold him close and be certain of his safety. Even if just for a moment.

_‘Stars! I am a mother tooka. Fox gonna be so smug.’_

Someone to his right gets up. Cody instinctively eyes the movement.

Crys merely checks the time on his comm. “It’s still early. We have about an hour left” - the captain lies back on the mattress and gently nudges his shoulder - “go back to sleep, Cody.”

It would be nice. But not likely. Not right now. 

The commander is distantly aware that he and the general have a conversation to finish. So he should've run some possibilities through his head. Find a reason, or rather an excuse, to stay with 212th. But Cody can’t bring himself to actively think about it. He knows that ultimately it’s up only to the general. Whatever he will find more ...practical. 

Cody knows he still has a chance. After all, not even Garren disposed of him that soon. Not before… Not before he was proven to be of no more use.

Wooley murmurs something in his sleep. The soft noise is enough to bring Cody’s attention back to the present. 

The light is dimmed. It’s quite. As quite as it can be on a military ship. Here and there sounds some soft cracks and a muffled shuffling. Someone stumbles, plastoid plates rattles. Probably some unlucky soul is due to report to his station.

Wooley whines, annoyed by the noise, and nuzzle further into Cody’s neck.

They all seams at ease. Laid-back almost.

Well, yes, 212th on a battlefield is nothing but a professional unit. And, if it’s anything to go by, the plans for the last campaign included his observations - meaning the general actually was interested in the minimal casualties. But here, onboard…

It’s not that obvious difference. Still, he can’t help but notice troopers talking bit louder, officers standing with less tension. The way their jedi ignored more elaborate paint jobs on an armour. Cuddle piles and tea. Troopers going by their chosen names.

He didn’t yet know their general well. But Kenobi is a rather calm and rational man. And so far displayed no interest in actively policing the vode. Which meant - Cody may not end up on Kamino just yet.

He shouldn't get his hopes up, the commander knows. Even if he will get the opportunity to stay - it will be not without a price attached. But it's a fighting chance nonetheless.

  
***

With the morning came a new set of orders.

"Huh, the briefing was moved to the 11:00. Great," Crys mutters to no one in particular.

Cody still eyes his datapad. Three unread messages. Too many to be a demotion and transfer notice, right? _‘Just get on with it.’_

The first one on his list is the briefing reschedule memo.

"So… See you there, commander?"

“Yeah. See you there, captain” Cody nods. It’s unlikely that Crys knows about his turmoil. But even so, this exchange feels oddly reassuring.

He returns to the other two messages on the list:

Summon to the med-bay. _‘Just great’._ At least the time is not specified. Sure thing Cody knows better than to hide from medical inspections. But it’s not like he has some injury to report. So Len wants to talk? Fine. Just later. After everything. Preferably never.

The last one is from the general. The commander braces himself and plays the audio:

“Good morning, Commander. Hope you feeling better,” the calm voice echoed in his helmet. “We need to discuss some details concerning the upcoming mission. Awaiting you at 10:00. The same place as for the main briefing. However, if you could join me earlier it would be greatly appreciated.” A bit of silence is followed by some shuffling. Like if Kenobi was reaching to stop the recording but changed his mind. “Just don’t take it as an excuse to avoid the medics, please. As they like to remind - CMO outranks both of us when health is concerned. Go see them first. I will wait.”  
  
If by the time he closed the last message Cody has mixed feelings - at least he has clear instructions to follow now.  
  
***

“How are you today?” Len starts with a simple question.

“Fine.”

“No dizziness, headache?” The medic specifies.

“No.” Cody is willing himself don’t fidget.

“Good. That’s good” - Len rolls a chair from behind his desk and sits down - “Than why the sour look?”

“Suppose I’m not a morning person.”

“Sure.” _‘Not the first brother who is afraid of med-bays._ ’ Len finds Cody’s eyes - “I need to ask you a few questions about yesterday.”

“But everything is fine. You said it yourself.”

“Vod…”

“Don’t! … Please, I don’t want to talk about it.”

They sit in silence for a bit. Both searching for the way out of it.

“You don’t need to talk.” That’s got the medic a bewildered look from Cody. “Look, we don’t need to fight everything at once. I don’t need to know why. Let’s just focus on the medical issues at hand, okay?

“What happened yesterday is called a panic attack. Have you experienced them before?”

“…”

“Vod’ika” - Len’s voice drops to a whisper - “you are not gonna get in trouble for it. I promise. Just yes or no?”

“Yes,” comes the hesitant reply. 

“Before you joined 212th?”

“Yes.”

“Did you ever talked to a medic about it?”

“I…umm. I didn’t. Not really.”

“Then I have some information for you to read later.” The medic leans to his table to pick up a datapad. “Here. It’s a bit lengthy read, but the takeaway is: this state is our mind’s reaction to extreme stress or danger. Your heart rate and breathing would speed up - a bit like a battle-rush. It’s not dangerous. But the difference is that on a battlefield you could put it to action, and with an attack, you have no way to fight whatever your mind sees as the treat. Sometimes you wouldn’t even know _what_ is the treat. That’s why it feels so bad.”

Cody curls up into himself a bit further. Despite what he said before, he was genuinely scared. Over a battle-rush. What a disgrace.

“It didn’t mean you should suffer through them without help, vod” adds Len. “They are not dangerous, yes, but exhausting and painful. And there is no shame in being afraid of an enemy whom no one can see.”

“Than how one can fight it?” Cody mutters.

“It’s a complex strategy. For starters - find something to help you calm down from it. Breathing slow and deep is always a good idea. But there are also things individual to every person. Maybe you noticed how something helped you before?”

“I’m not sure.”

“It’s okay. You can try something from the list and see what works best. Something simple, something you can do in a public setting. And some safe routine for when you are alone.”

Cody nods and proceeds to fiddle with the datapad. He still won’t meet Len’s eyes, but now he at least dares to ask, “You said it's only one part of it. What else?”

“That’s the spirit, trooper!” The medic smiles. “To win this battle with minimal casualties you would need allies. Someone you could talk to.”

“It seems pointless. The talking part of it.”

“It may seem so. But it’s not,” Len declines patiently. “Remember - the enemy is invisible. Most of the intel on it we can get _only_ by talking with you. If you want - it doesn’t have to be me or another medic. Just someone you can trust and talk to regularly.”

“I will think about it” - Cody glances to the chrono - “Anything else?”

“Just one thing. I can vouch for our general. Kenobi would never purposefully hurt any of us. But if he or anyone else would make you feel uncomfortable, if you would need an excuse to leave - just send this on the ‘medical emergencies’ frequency,” - Commander’s comm chirps with a short message. - “Okay?”

“Okay. …”

“Something on your mind?”

“Just … starting to realize that ‘medics outranks everyone’ is more than a saying,” the commander offers Len a sheepish smile.

“Off you go then, vod’ika. Off you go,” the CMO grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, I use "kih'vod" as "little brother" and "vod'ika" is rather "brother dear". But the last one is still very often applied to the younger vode. 
> 
> Where I was going with it? Len is definitely older than Cody. He checked. (Well, two weeks older, but...) The joy and curse of a family this big - you are always someone's little brother :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :) Long time no see. This chapter was a wild ride. I'm not entirely happy with it, but it's time to move forward (definitely not because I crave to add more fluff and the next event seems like the perfect chance)

It’s 09:55 when the commander finds the briefing room B3. Cody is never late to meetings. He is not about to start now, even if the general said he can wait for him. Couldn’t afford to start now. Not after yesterday’s episode.

Cody can’t quite place what’s going on. The general ordered him to the med-bay. To get an evaluation for his further use, no doubt. But the medic… Len doesn’t ask him much. Doesn’t try to find out…

_‘Because he already knew. He knew right away. Was it just a formality than? Was everything already decided?’_

But why then give him the information and advice? It looked as if Cody is here to stay. Maybe yesterday wasn’t enough to persuade the jedi to get rid of him? Maybe Len gonna keep to himself that it wasn’t the first time? He did say that Cody not gonna get in trouble for that. Cody’s heart gives a sharp tug. _'Foolish brother with too-big heart. What if the general will find out?_ ' That’s why Cody hated going to med-bays - he would rather spare medics the pain of choosing between a brother and regulations.

Thoughts still racing, the commander collected himself and entered the room.

On the table, between piles of datapads, was nested an empty mug - proof that General Kenobi was here already. But there was no jedi in the sight.

“General, sir?”

From somewhere to the left sounded a sharp whistle.

“Please come in, Commander. What would you prefer?” the jedi asked from where he stood with the boiling cattle, a small assortment of tea and a caf machine behind him. Clearly, this place was equipped for lengthy meetings.

Cody’s first instinct is to say ‘nothing, thank you, sir’. But the question is phrased differently, hardly leaving room for ‘no’. Someone would have called this poetical - lately, he can barely formulate a decent reply to a simple question and somehow get stuck with The Negotiator as his general.

He is taking to long to reply. Well, then better to give what answer he has in mind.

“I’m fine. Thank you, sir.”

The general doesn’t look convinced by his refusal. Probably a jedi thing.

“You sure? It’s no trouble and we have a long meeting ahead of us.” To his dismay, Kenobi can sense Commander growing more confused with every word. The jedi doesn’t want to repeat his mistake from yesterday. Just what is the problem now? Perhaps it’s the choice. “Oh, my apologies. Some of the options would be unfamiliar to you. Here,” - the general reached for the small box - “To start with something simple - this is a dark tarine. Vode widely regards it as ‘the tea version of caf’. I’ve already prepared a pot and would like to share it with you. If you okay with trying it, of course.”

 _‘If it’s some test it’s a bizarre one,’_ decides Cody. Still, what options he has here?

“Of course, sir.”

Obi-Wan muses over the skittish reply. It’s not exactly what he was hoping for, but progress nonetheless.

They settle around the table.

Cody absently clasps the mug with both hands, his eyes don’t leave the general.

Obi-Wan gives him a small smile. It seems he better be simply saying it out loud:

“I’m sorry for causing you undue worry yesterday, Commander. It was a mistake on my part and I will strive to never repeat it.”

 _‘His mistake?!’_ Cody wonders if any test could be this level of absurd. “Sir?”

“I would like to make some things clear: feel free to ask for clarifications if you are unsure about what I mean. It’s okay. My own padawan constantly saying that I make no sense and we knew each other for years,” Obi-Wan attempts to lighten the mood. “And, please, if anything I do or ask you to do makes you uncomfortable - say so.”

The commander is quiet for a moment but stills himself quickly. “Of course, general,” his reply means nothing.

Obi-Wan recalls having different versions of this conversation before and adds softly:

“This is not some test or a trick. Nor I’m questioning your abilities as a commander. In fact, you did remarkably well in our last campaign.” That earns him a bewildered look. “My point is - as a commander you are free to voice concerns over my orders or strategies. I expect you to. And it would be foolish of me to ignore your training and experience.

“But as a human, you also have the right to make personal choices and expect me to respect them,” - he finds Cody’s eyes. - “When it does not concern duty no explanation needed. Yesterday you could’ve just said ‘no’ and, I promise, wouldn't be in trouble for it.”

Cody’s throat hurts. He desperately wants to believe the promise. Even if it’s a trap - the commander already made peace with going to Kamino sooner or later. Mostly. Does it matter which mistake will send him there? And on the off chance that the jedi is genuine - the promise of relative safety sounds tempting. … He is too tired to keep up the fight anyway.

“Thank you, sir,” Cody manages in an almost normal voice.

“You have nothing to thank me for,” - the jedi smiles sadly. - “It’s how it supposed to be.

Obi-Wan carefully locks down his anger and hurt. These feelings are not gonna help nor him, nor his commander. He gonna focus on his mission and leave the source of his anger for the Senate and the Council to deal with. They are working on it. They’ve got it.

 _‘To slow!_ _When? When we gonna stop talking and DO something about it?!’_ part of him screams right back.

How many more times he gonna look in brown eyes to see only fear and pain?

How many times he should say meaningless “I’m so sorry”?!

How many more broken lives is that “too many” that the Senate would be willing to take a look at?!

When he will no longer need to explain the difference between order and abuse?!

When?

The jedi takes a deep breath and lifts his eyes from the cold tea. He needs to see it through:

"I wouldn’t bring it up otherwise, but for us to be on the same page about the next mission - General Windu notified me about the circumstances of your transfer,” Obi-Wan states softly. Cody freezes. “He didn’t give any specifics, just … the general notion. But I’m ought to ask: would you be alright working with me directly?”

“If…If you have any doubts about it, sir…”, the commander chokes out.

“No. No, I have no doubt you are capable of completing this mission. Be it together with me or any other officer. What I’m trying to say is:

“I’m not Him, but if you aren’t feeling ready to go on a mission with me - that’s okay. No one will push you. No one will punish you for refusing”, the jedi pause to let the words sink.  
  
“I have a duty, sir.”  
  
“As everyone on this ship. We gonna take planetside only a small team. Both you being part of this group or staying on board would be a fulfilling of duty. Just in different roles. I would be happy if you go with us. But won’t think any less of you if you don’t.  
  
“You don’t need to decide right now. We gonna discuss this mission further when everyone will come in. This is just the heads-up. So you know about all options.”  
  
“Sir…I…” - Cody is interrupted by the sound of the opening door. Kenobi flashes him a small apologetic smile.  
  
“Sirs”, greet the newcomer.  
  
“Captain Gregor, please do come in. Is it time already?”  
  
“Almost, General. Plus we just got some extra intel”, the captain explains looking for a place to sit down.

Others start to fill in.

Cody can’t quite place some of the officers. But there are Waxer and Boil - ARF’s, make sense.

Crys flops on the seat to the left and gives him a subtle nod.

As the meeting progress, Cody watches his officers interact with the general. The sheer fact that it's a _discussion_ speaks volume. And, to his own surprise, after the two hours of it, the commander finds the idea of staying with the 212th more tangible. Of course, only if he gonna come back from this mission.  
  
“Count me in, General.”

“Very good, Commander,” smiles Kenobi. “How shall I introduce you to the Queen?”  
  
“It’s Commander Cody, sir.”  
  
“Thank you for trusting me with your name,” the jedi gives him a small polite bow. “Very well, Commander Cody, Captain Gregor - we still need to discuss some details of the future negotiations. I meet the rest of you tomorrow - 07:00 at the main hangar.”

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language. So if...when you notice some dumb mistake - feel free to tell me. I would be grateful :)


End file.
